Guilt Part 2
by iheartShules
Summary: The companion piece(finally) for Guilt in Careese Themes! Look out for my unoriginal titles they are eyesores!


_**AN: Sorry for the delay on getting this companion piece up, but here is finally. Just the day after a little pick me up for the angst fest the first part was. Here's the link: **_ s/10129440/5/Careese-Themes **and just in case the darn site takes the link out, it's in Careese Themes chapter 5 titled Guilt.**

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His head hurt, his heart hurt, and his body ached everywhere. John knew that drinking to get drunk was going to do this, he hadn't gotten this drunk since he had met Joss and Finch. He wasn't used to it. But he distinctly remembered last night. He had purposely allowed himself to get beaten up, he had wanted to die, and Joss had come to help him. He didn't want her to see him like that, he didn't want her to see how truly pathetic he had been, but he couldn't get her to leave. Joss was stubborn, she was perfect, and John couldn't believe she even wanted anything to do with him. But she seemed to want to. That kiss hadn't been anything like the kiss in the morgue. In the morgue he had kissed her because he was preparing for the worst but hoping for the best. He wanted her to know how much he cared for her, respected her, and the soft brushing of his lips across hers hadn't been enough. John had struggled to rein himself in on it, though he did.

John kept his eyes shut, remembering the kiss from last night. Joss had kissed him with passion that he matched. It was hot and intense, he hadn't experienced a kiss like that in quite some time. His kisses with Zoe were done out propriety to get her in bed. Nothing compared to Joss's, not even Jessica's. She knew what he needed when he needed it, which left him unsettled, but also a little grateful. He didn't need to ask because she simply knew. She knew he didn't want sweet or tender, he wanted-craved more than that. Then, like some ancient knowledge she had, she knew when he longed for tender, to surrender to the feelings she made him feel, even if he tried to fight it but couldn't.

He heard a noise, his eyes opened slowly and he wished he hadn't. The light in the motel was enough to make him slam his eyes shut once more. "Well look who decided to grace me with his presence." He blinked his eyes open at her voice, seeing her above him. She had her hands on her hips, a stern look on her face, and she looked perfect in the morning light. "Rise and shine, John, its breakfast time," she pushed. He grimaced at the sound of food. His stomach churned.

"No thanks," he muttered.

"You're eating, I don't give a damn if you have a hangover or not. You're eating." She pushed on his arm. "Get up, no more feeling sorry for yourself." Her tone was cool. Again she seemed to know just what to say or do to get him going. John slowly sat up on the bed, his stomach rolled, but he worked hard to not vomit. She thrust him two pills, and a glass of water. "I went out while you were snoozing." She explained. He took them gratefully took a small sip of the water, before she plopped a bag of food from a fast food restaurant into his lap. "Now eat, it might taste gross right now, but knowing you-you haven't eaten in a while. I couldn't get you up last night to eat dinner, and to be honest I tried halfheartedly, you needed sleep." She climbed onto the bed beside him, opening the bag for them, and pulled out a burrito for him and then one for herself.

"Thanks," he murmured not looking at her.

"For what?" she asked as she unwrapped her burrito before taking a bite. He lifted his glassy and most likely blood shot eyes to stare into her beautiful face.

"For being there, for not letting me be alone."

"Never, you're never alone John. You just think you are," she answered, taking another bite, munching on the food in her mouth, giving him a thoughtful gaze. He looked down at the burrito and decided he would vomit if he had this. "Give the medicine a few minutes, then try," she said and he looked at her.

"How do you do that?" he demanded, really wanting to know.

"Do what?" she asked munching on her burrito some more.

"Know what I'm thinking or feeling, before I can even tell you or express it?"

"Easy, your eyes give you away all the time, John," she answered with a soft smile. "There is nothing you can do to hide yourself from me, I can read you like an open book. But it's only fair, you do it to me. You try hard to not let yourself be seen, but I see right through that smoke screen." He watched her before attempting to eat his own burrito. He opened it, took a small bite, and was glad when the churning of his stomach wasn't as bad. She had been right...again. "Are you feeling better, John?"

He looked into her eyes knowing she wasn't talking about his hangover. "Yes." She nodded and smiled happily.

"Good, you scared me last night. Don't do that to me again. You were hurting, but let me be there, by your side, okay?"

"Joss, I wanted to be alone," he answered quietly.

"How about this, if you ever are that down again, you call me on the phone; you'd be alone but I can talk to you if you need me to," she bargained. "Please, I couldn't handle it that you were alone without anyone knowing where you were. I can't go through that again, John."

"I'm sorry."

"I know, just promise me you realize you aren't alone anymore. You got me, you got Finch, we won't let you be alone." He smiled softly at that before nodding his head in affirmation. She nodded her head in response. They ate quietly, neither one talking about the kiss, the way they laid last night, or about what happened to their friendship. They were content just eating and being in each other's company for the time being. Once he was finished with his burrito he felt a little bit more human. He still had a headache, which he deserved after drinking that much alcohol, but his body didn't feel like it was pummeled as it first did when he woke up. "John..."

"Hmmm?" he looked up, seeing a serious look on her face.

"I have feelings for you that aren't strictly platonic." Well hell, he hadn't been fully prepared that she was going to bring this up this morning. He was trying to muddle through his feelings about the teenager's death, he wasn't sure if he was ready to talk about the thing between them. "I know you feel the same way, you can't deny it after the way we kissed last night. I don't care if you were drunk or not, you kissed me with far more passion then any man I've ever kissed."

"You're right, I can't deny it, Joss, I do have feelings for you that aren't strictly platonic. But, I don't know what they are and I'm not even sure if we should do anything about it."

"Why?" she asked quietly, not upset, but seemed generally confused. "Why can't we?"

"You're a cop and I'm a criminal." He listed what she used against him when he wanted to help her with her fight with HR.

"So, I'll just bitch at you to stop your illegal activity, while you reassure me you'll be fine," she said with a smile. "Try again."

"Alright, you deserve better than me."

"I deserve what I want and I want you," she said, making him scowl. "Okay shot down twice, one last try, John."

"Fine, you…" but she didn't let him list another reason because her mouth was on his. She moaned softly, the kiss was nothing but lips and tenderness, before she pulled back.

"So you were saying?" she questioned.

"I forget now." He sighed, irritated that her lips could distract him that much. She smiled, playing her fingers in his hair. "Joss, you should have the pick of the lot in men, why do you want to be with me?"

"Well, you're intelligent, I respect you very much, you are a challenge because you don't always let me get my way and I enjoy the fighting to get it, you're easy on the eyes, and we have fun talking. I enjoy being in your presence and I love your protectiveness of me even if it does grate on my nerves. You get me," she ended with a shrug. "Most men want to change me, you don't. You take me as I am, just as I take you as you are. Nothing less, nothing more and I love you." She said it so simply, like she didn't just turn himself inside out. "You okay there? It looks like you forgot how to breathe," she teased lightly.

"Joss," he choked.

"What? I do love you and deep down I think you know it. Plus, I think you are in love with me too, you just don't know it yet." She linked their fingers together. "But take your time, I won't rush you, because you're figuring it out for yourself will be better." She kissed his cheek. "I'm not going anywhere," she assured him as she climbed off the bed, taking their trash with her. "But I do need to head to work, so I need to know can I leave you alone? I don't want to leave you here alone with your thoughts about the teenager; I'll stay if you need me too."

"If you're asking am I suicidal, no, you can go to work," he said, thoughtful on her words.

"Call Finch, he's been worried about you," she instructed him, gathering her jacket, slinging it onto her. She flicked her long hair over the collar of her jacket, heading for the door.

"Joss," he called out before she could disappear. She paused and turned to look back at him.

"Yeah, John?"

"Would you like to go to dinner with me tonight?" he asked quietly, feeling a bit awkward asking a woman to dinner. She smiled happily.

"I would love to go to dinner, John." She agreed. "Pick me up at 7pm, I'll even let you choose the restaurant." And with that she turned, hurrying out of the motel; leaving John thoughtful and he missed her happy squeal as she hurried to her car looking forward to tonight. 

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AN: Just a little sweet morning after his terrible night! Hope you guys enjoyed, thanks for reading!


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